Mothers are a
significant part of our lives. They bring us into this world, and play an
important role in molding us into the individuals we are to become. Mothers are
certainly a large aspect of literature, especially, though not exclusively, in
works by female authors. Does a woman gain or lose her self-identify once she
becomes a mother? The relationship between a mother and her child(ren) is paradoxical,
and in a sense, tragic. I aim to analyze the multi-dimensional and complex
aspect of motherhood illustrated in Please
Look After Mom by Kyung-Sook Shin and
My Michael by Amos Oz.
Please Look After Mom by Kyung-Sook Shin
details the life of Park So-nyo, an
elderly, hard-working mother of four adult children. So-Nyo, referred to as ‘mom’,
goes missing while boarding a Seoul subway station in South Korea. With efforts
of finding Mom quickly underway, her family slowly comes to realize, almost regrettably,
how little they understand and know of their devoted mother. No one seems to
know that Mom has this inability to read or write, or that she withstands
gruesome headaches on a daily basis, or even when her actual birthday is. Not a
single family member can describe a complete and whole image of Mom. Every
memory recalled of Mom is fractured and disoriented. However, small truths
of Mom’s life come into focus as forgotten memories unfold. “Only after Mom went missing did you
realize that her stories were piled inside you, in endless stacks. Mom's
everyday life used to go on in a repeating loop, without a break. Her everyday
words, which you didn't think deeply about and sometimes dismissed as useless
when she was with you, awoke in your heart, creating tidal waves.” The idea of
guilt and regret emerges in this passage as Chi-hon, oldest daughter and
author, reflects on her actions and neglect of Mom. Hyong-chol, oldest son,
echoes her sentiment. He goes on to say, “his heart brims with the desire to do
nothing but look after Mom when she’s found. But he has already lost that chance”
(120).
Please Look After Mom tells
a story of a mother who devotes all of her time, energy, money, and even food
to her family. Mom is a self-sacrificing woman whose adult children and husband
neglect and ignore her. She doesn’t have an identity outside the walls of the kitchen,
where she cleans and cooks daily. No one relates to Mom in terms of Park So-nyo.
When asked if she likes working in the kitchen, Mom responds, “I don't like or
dislike the kitchen. I cooked because I had to. I had to stay in the kitchen so
you could all eat and go to school. How could you only do what you like? There
are things you have to do whether you like it or not.' What kind of question is that? 'If you only do what you like, who's going to
do what you don't like?(62). The
portrait of motherhood in the figure of self-sacrificing Mom throughout Please Look After Mom is one that isn’t
idealized, but historical and culturally rooted.
Motherhood in My Michael is portrayed in the figure of
Hannah Gonen, a young mentally-unstable woman and mother to son, Yair. Hannah
is an interesting character who struggles with her own identity even before she
becomes a mother. She neglects to record any personal details about her pregnancy,
contrary to that of her intricate dreams, and virtually ignores the actual
birth of Yair. Hannah’s identify is further lost once she becomes a mother. There’s
a complete disconnect between her and Yair from the very beginning of the novel:
Sometimes, when the baby cried and Michael was out,
I would get up barefoot and violently rock the cradle…As if my son had wronged
me. I was an indifferent mother during the early months of my son’s life. I remembered
Aunt Jenia’s distasteful visit at the beginning of my pregnancy, and at times I
imagined perversely that it was I who had wanted to get rid of the baby and
Aunt Jenia who had forced me not to. I also felt that I should soon be dead and
so I owed nothing to anyone, not even to this pink, healthy, wicked child. Yes,
Yair was wicked (80).
It’s interesting to note that Hannah compares Yair’s birth with that of
her death, and fails to form any type of meaningful bond with him. His official
birth announcement is cold and blunt. “Our son Yair was born in March 1951”(67).
Surprisingly, there’s a lack of joy and warmth behind the life-changing
statement.
Following the birth of Yair, Hannah develops a form
of post-partum depression. Though, I would argue that her sickness is only an excuse
and a physical manifestation of her emotional rejection of Yair, even after she
becomes well again. “Even when Dr. Urbach announced that he was satisfied that
the complication was cleared up, and that I was free to resume a normal life in
every way, even then I was still ill” (81). Even though Hannah is able to care
for her son, she neglects him. There’s a total absence of love and affection as
Hannah fails to look Yair in the eyes and even forcibly beats him. “I
would thrash him, without looking into his grey, calm eyes, until panting; I
succeeded in wringing the sobs from his eyes. His will power was so strong
that it
sometimes made me shudder, and when his pride was finally broken, he would throw
me a grotesque whimper which sounded more like an imitation of a crying child”(
?).
When Yair becomes too much of a burden, Hannah sends
him to Michael, her quiet and unassuming husband. “At the age of four Yair
sometimes come out with questions which I cannot answer. I send him with his
questions to his father” (102). Hannah quickly gets impatient and irritated
with the fact that she can’t grapple with the active mind of her young son. As
any proud mother would, Hannah’s incapable of marveling at the intellect and
maturity of Yair. At one point in the novel, Michael notices Hannah’s lack of
love and nourishment towards her son and pleads with her to put forth some effort
in loving Yair. He exclaims, “I’m nothing special, Hannah, but you must try as
hard as you can to love Yair, It will be better for you if do, too…I have the
feeling that you’re not wild about him” (142).
Motherhood
is a complex issue that’s deeply embedded in our concepts of identity and
personal subjectivities. The idea of Motherhood
illustrated in My Michael is tainted
by the actions and mentality of Hannah Gonen. Hannah is a strong negative force
in Yair’s life, and doesn’t at all represent the universal mother figure that we
all come to love.
